Imagined Cracks
by Skillzyo
Summary: Misty loves Cordelia, she really does, but when they somehow manage to get the house to themselves for the evening, she thinks Cordelia might be trying to move their relationship to a level she's not ready for—one she's not sure she'll ever be ready for.


**AN:** So, I decided to run with the idea of Misty Day being asexual. Except, I don't think she comes from a place where they would talk about sexuality so this scene between her and Cordelia kind of sprang forth. **_Please Keep in mind that there are several types of asexuality, so what Misty feels and experiences is not what every person who identifies as asexual feels and experiences._**

* * *

They spend the evening curled up on the couch, speaking in hushed tones despite the unusually empty house. The title screen of some movie—Misty can't remember the name—plays on a loop on the television screen, but they are too focused on one another to be bothered by the repetitive music.

Cordelia takes Misty's hand in her own, lacing their fingers together, and Misty's gaze drops down to their newly-joined hands resting in the space between their legs. She likes how they fit together, how Cordelia's fingers fill the empty spaces between her own, but…

She bites her lip.

She wasn't born yesterday. She knows what's expected in relationships. And as much as she's enjoying the quiet atmosphere of the empty house, it feels like the night is leading up to something more. Something Misty knows she's supposed to want, but doesn't.

"I think somethin' might be wrong with me," she says in a low voice. A small part of her hopes that the other woman doesn't hear her. She doubts getting all of the students out of the house for the night had been an easy task. She doesn't want to ruin the evening Cordelia has obviously worked so hard to make special.

"Misty," Cordelia says, and she lifts her gaze to meet the warm brown eyes she loves so much. Cordelia reaches out with her free hand and tucks a loose strand of Misty's hair behind her ear, "I can assure you that there is nothing wrong with how we feel about one another."

Misty drops her gaze back down to their hands and stays quiet. She isn't afraid or ashamed of how she feels about Cordelia. She loves her more than anyone she's ever met and the thought of suspecting anything wrong about that makes her skin crawl.

No, despite the community she grew up in, she knows there isn't anything wrong with her love for Cordelia. Still, she suspects there's something wrong inside of _her, _and she doesn't have the slightest clue how to talk about it. Where she comes from, they had never talked about these sorts of things.

They preferred to talk about brimstone and eternal damnation and the suffering of souls instead.

Right now it sure feels like her soul is suffering, not knowing how to ask for the reassurance she needs. Not knowing what's wrong with her own body.

A soft hand on her cheek coaxes Misty to look up again. She finds Cordelia watching her. Those warm brown eyes search her face, most likely trying to find a clue to what's eating at her. Misty wishes she could give her the answer, but she's just as lost as the other woman.

She wishes Cordelia still had her Sight. Maybe she would have been able to See the answer that Misty can't seem to find.

"Miss Cordelia," she says, "You know I love you more than anyone or anything, right?" The other woman nods and gives her hand a gentle squeeze. Misty wishes the touch could give her the words she needs to explain how she's feeling, but no sudden revelations come to pass. Still, she's grateful for the support.

But she must take too long to speak again because Cordelia's brow furrows. "Are you trying to break up with me?"

Her eyes widen and she shakes her head. "No! No, not at all," she assures the other woman. "I'm just… I'm tryna figure out what I wanna say, but this stuff ain't what I'm used to talkin' about so I might need a minute." She squeezes her eyes shut for a moment to collect her thoughts, but there's nothing there to gather. She doesn't have a name for this feeling, or the lack thereof.

Frustrated tears fight to free themselves from her closed eyes. She's going to lose the woman she loves most because there's something wrong with her. She can come back from the dead, but she can't fix this broken piece inside of herself. The whimper escapes her lips before she can swallow it back down.

When Cordelia hears the sound, she pulls Misty closer and lets her rest her head on her chest. She wraps her arms around the taller woman and presses a kiss against her forehead as she rubs soothing circles over the other woman's back. She doesn't know what's wrong, but she wants to fix it.

"I love you," Misty mumbles. "I love bein' close to you and kissin' you and holdin' you while we sleep, even if it does get awfully hot underneath all them blankets at night," she says as she wraps her arms around Cordelia's waist. "I love all of that, but I don't think…"

Cordelia nods, as if she knows exactly what Misty is trying to say. "You don't think you're _in_ love with me."

Misty huffs and pulls away. "No, I know I'm _in_ love with you, Miss Cordelia," she says, "but there's gotta be somethin' wrong with me 'cause you're the prettiest woman I ever met, and I still don't feel the urge to go around the world with you in any kinda way." Cordelia blinks and Misty sighs. She's no good at this. "I'm not tryna be mean. I really am in love with you," she says before she looks down at her lap once more. "There's jus' somethin' broken in me and I don't know how to fix it so I can love you the way I'm s'posed to."

"Oh, Misty…" She hears before Cordelia takes her in her arms again. Soothing fingers run through Misty's hair as Cordelia says, "You can't fix it because you're not broken."

Misty isn't aware how badly she had needed to hear those words until they reach her ears. Once they do, the strange, heavy feeling dwelling in the pit of her stomach lightens.

She tightens her hold on Cordelia and kisses 'I love you's against her neck, loving her the best way she knows how.

* * *

**AN:** I tried to be as respectful as possible while writing this. I'd like to place another reminder that there are_**several types of asexuality**_ and _**the one I have Misty portraying is not the end all, be all**__._ If I have handled something poorly, please send me a message and let me know so I can fix it.


End file.
